i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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