If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
