you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
