where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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