drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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