I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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