Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
