i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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