Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
