just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
