i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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