It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
