Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
