remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
