I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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