At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
