I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Vodka?
Forever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
