he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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