Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
