its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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