she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
