he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
