I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
