Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
