just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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