So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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