walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
