Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
