it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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