There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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