You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
