Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
