New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
