Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
