That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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