you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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