I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
