i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
