Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
