I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize