Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
