I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
