..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
