actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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