Three words: puerto rican gang bang
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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