i think my tv is drunk
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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