You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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