I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
