i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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