I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
