We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
