It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
