dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
