And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
