the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need to calm my uterus...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
