It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
