based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I intend to get homeless drunk
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
