I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
