If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
