I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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