I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
